As I lay in bed, unable to sleep, because I spent the majority of the day sleeping (just one of those fatigue crisis), watching videos, having random thoughts, thinking about ways to launch my business, I also started thinking about this question that I made the title of my post.
Who am I living for? The people who really know me know that I’m almost always saying “I don’t like people” or “I’m allergic to dumb people”, of course I always say it laughingly or in a playful manner but what am I really saying whenever I do make these statements?
Oddly enough, I attract people. People love talking to me, somehow I end up giving good advice and to a fault I always have people’s back, can that really be a trait for someone who doesn’t like people? It’s clearly the opposite. That makes absolutely ZERO sense but when I think about the title, it actually makes all the sense in the world.
Gathy, who are you living for? What is your purpose? How are you making your time on earth count?
When I started this blog, I just wanted to talk about things that I was going through as a SickleCeller, a Warrior. I always felt like it would be much easier than talking to people, my siblings included. My older brother is one of my best friends and when it comes to my health, he doesn’t know the half of what I go through on a daily basis and that’s my fault and I promise myself every day that I will be more open to him as it relates to SCD.
My significant other and I had a lot of arguments about me keeping stuff to myself, again as it relates to my health and at first it was hard for me to make sense of what he was saying and adjust, but eventually I let my guards down and let him in.
I’ve said all of this to say that my entire life I put a guard up on the issue of “people”, jokingly or straightforward, I kept myself at bay by saying I’m not a people person and/or I dont like people but at the end of it all, being good with people is one of my talents. I just know how to make people feel better and/or how to find solutions when dealing with people. I don’t know if SCD forced me to develop that trait but I have it and even though the question was random but it got me thinking.
I write because it’s easier to talk to people. I prefer helping people instead of letting people help me. I’ve decided to start working on bringing that barrier down, and I have to accept my purpose of being here to not only be a people person but to use that talent mainly within my community and to support my fellow Warriors in the best ways possible, all while allowing myself to be as transparent as I can when it comes to my health and talking to my people.
I will keep working at it until I perfect it and until I bring my guard all the way down, in no particular order and with no particular timeline, I just pray that God keeps me around long enough to accomplish this. In the meantime, smile, it could be worse!!!