Pain is unavoidable…

Whether you were born into pain, you pick it up along the way, you experience it later on in life, you will face pain at some point.

I mainly talk about physical pain, my SCD pain, because that’s what I experience the most and I can say I’m somewhat of an expert on how SCD affects my body, but obviously physical pain is not the only type of pain there is and over time, I’ve come to know what mental/emotional pain feels like.

It seems like more and more people are approaching the idea of “speaking freely” about their mental health and it’s about time. I don’t have a diagnostic saying I suffer from any mental condition and I can’t thank God enough because I think I’m dealing with plenty already, but I know the mental anguish SCD has brought on. Once these pain meds were added, it was a recipe for disaster. But I push through daily.

Some people aren’t able to push through because of the different kinds of pain that they’re dealing with, be it mental and/or physical. Experiencing different people at the SCD clinic has been an eye opener for me; sadly though, my fellow SickleCellers don’t like to talk about that part of it.

Pain is unavoidable. At some point or the next, we all experience pain. To the best of your ability, whether you have to talk to someone, whether you have to take pain meds, whether you have to get down on your knees and pray; you have to find a way to deal with the pain, because on the other side of the pain, there’s this beautiful person who’s waiting to flourish. It’s not always easy, but we’re all built to deal with it, successfully.

Smile, it could be worse!!!

I need to overcome…

If you’ve been watching me, following me, reading me for a while you know I am as transparent as possible, as vulnerable as possible. You should also know that when I take a while to write anything it’s because I can’t get it together, I can’t speak on whatever it is as candidly as I should and so I opt for quietness.

I have been doing my IG show since June and I’ve said over and over again that waking up everyday with SCD is a struggle because my body is fighting my body and there isn’t much I can do about it.

On Saturday during my show, I relived a bunch of stuff that I chose to keep suppressed and I was a mess, even hours after the episode. I had plenty to do following the episode, so I did what I do best, I plastered a smile on my face and pushed through.

I’m here in bed and instead of trying to fall asleep, instead of catching these zzz’s that my body deserves, I’m not only trying to nurse this pain, but also I’m thinking of ways to overcome this problem if I can call it that way.

SCD is a condition that I was born with but it’s a big problem in my life. I’ve found ways to adapt, fit my life around, adjust just so I can have some sort of normalcy in my life but this big problem doesn’t make it easy.

Now I know there’s nothing I can do about this, there’s no cure for SCD; even with changing my diet, again adjusting, trying to avoid stress as much as humanly possible, SCD is there!!! So how does one overcome this pain, this problem?

I just turned 39 years old a couple of weeks ago, I’m already thinking about turning 40 because I want the new decade of my life, the new chapter to be completely different. They say you are the author of your life, and while that’s true for most, I feel like for me, and maybe some of my fellow Warriors might feel the same way, SCD dictates the majority of what goes in each chapter of my book.

How do I overcome this? At this point in my life, I crave peace. I enjoy turning my phone off and just be absent from the world and present in my peace. How do I make SCD fit that mold? Because SCD doesn’t go hand in hand with peace; you would think that since I am away from stress and in peace, I would experience less pain.

How do I do this? I’m open to suggestions because I need to overcome…

Smile, it could be worse!!!

Strength…

On a daily basis I hear “you’re so strong”; “the strongest person I know” “you’re the toughest gal I know” and I have to tell you that I feel like I’m deceiving everyone because I don’t feel strong at all.

I was told I needed to replace my hips or else my bones would break most likely as I’m walking and that would be a more difficult and complicated surgery as opposed to scheduling them to be removed. What would you have done ?

I think when you don’t have a choice, you find a way to muster up the strength to deal with whatever you’re going through. I’m not trying to be modest, I really am not that strong. I have had to accept that this is my life and as much as it pains me everyday that this is my life, the reality is that “this is my life”. What can you do? C’est la vie…

This is a rather short post because today has been quite challenging but again someone just told me that I’m the toughest gal they know and I had to pen my thoughts, especially when I’m not feeling so strong right about now.

Everyone is strong. Only Superman is super strong, the strongest and the toughest. When you have no other choice, you will find the strength somewhere and somehow.

Thanks to everyone who sees me as the strongest and the toughest, I can accept a compliment but I just don’t want to disappoint because I can’t always live up to that.

I’m not a hero neither 🤦🏿‍♀️

Smile, it could be worse!!!